Animal Farm reloaded

Article published on Jan. 23, 2006
Article published on Jan. 23, 2006
A new chapter to Orwell's classic. Animal Farm recruits sickly birds in a Jihad against human-kind.

Squealer, a pig so persuasive the other animals say he could turn black into white, climbs onto the stage, pausing to catch his breath and wipe the sweat off his fat face. He addresses the animals assembled in the old barn...

"Dear comrades in sickness! All of you know what a burden it has been to our Leader and we, his humble fellow pigs, to act like humans in order to find out as much as we can about them and to destroy them for good. But this great sacrifice of ours has succeeded only partially by gaining the support of a few animal rights activists. Though they are openly pro-animal, they are not anti-human enough. Through them our ultimate goal of “death to humanity” cannot be achieved.

It has been decided that the best way to destroy human-kind is to use biological warfare. The humans must see that Animalism is a cause worth dying for, only then will they take animals and animal rights seriously.

Remember Old Major’s words: “Man is the only real enemy we have. Remove Man from the scene, and the root cause of hunger and overwork is abolished for ever.“ This has been the case for centuries but over the past few decades conditions have further deteriorated for the animal folk here on Earth. We go crazy in crammed cages, factories and laboratories; we die painful deaths. We are poisoned by beauty creams and GM foods to ensure that humans are not.

Birds of the world! The time has come for you to show loyalty to this farm and to our Leader, comrade Napoleon. Mad cows did not succeed as planned and so the world rebellion rests upon your wings. Are you ready to die for this common dream of ours? Avian influenza, which will enter the history books as bird flu, named after its great bearers, will make sure that our rebellion is exported to all the countries and farms in the world and ensure the elimination of mankind and the everlasting rule of animals.

In 1997, we managed to transfer it to humans for the first time and, since then, more than half of all those infected have died. If the virus transforms into a deadlier strain and a pandemic breaks out, we can count on millions of human deaths. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? And if the humans slaughter, sell and consume you even after the symptoms appear, those numbers could go even higher.

Why do we ask this favour of you birds? Well, migratory flocks, you are still used as messengers and propaganda disseminators. You must pass the disease onto other birds. Chickens and turkeys, your meat is eaten by more human than beef as it is considered healthier and there is nothing that the humans value more than their own health.

You know that the seven commandments of Animalism dictate that no animal shall kill any other animal, and that all animals are equal. But you are invited to sacrifice your short lives for the greater cause. And although taking up the mission means certain death, assume it with dignity.

Posthumously, you will be awarded the title of Animal Hero, Second Class and your families will be proud of you. Death is not to be feared - Sugarcandy Mountain, that happy country where we poor animals shall rest for ever from our labours, awaits you. There it is Sunday seven days a week, there are everlasting fields of clover, and linseed cake and lump sugar grow on the hedges.

Forward, comrades! Fly into the world and spread the influenza! Death to Humanity! Long live Animal Farm!